The 9th Way to Get Asked to Dance

The 9th way of getting asked to dance helps prevent you from doing this move all night.

If you read 8 Ways to Get Asked Dance and people are still skirting around you and focusing on blank walls when they see you, consider the 9th and most powerful way to get people to sweep you onto the dance floor.

#9. Take a private lesson. Stay with me. I know you think you don’t need it. Maybe you’ve been dancing since you were 10. Maybe you’ve had years of training. You might even be working with a pro now. If you aren’t getting the dances you REALLY want, you probably need to change something. 

Without regular coaching, we all get a little sloppy over time. Or maybe it’s something more problematic… like technique that got missed or weird habits. Whatever it is, we all need an instructor who has the guts to be honest with how we really feel to our partners.

Right now, people in every community are praying that someone they know would learn they are:

  1.  Totally unaware of how to stay on balance.
  2.  Rendering their partner’s hand unusable for the next dance.
  3.  Gouging out their partner’s kidneys.
  4.  Oblivious to timing and how music is actually structured.
  5.  Unaware of how to touch a human they are not assaulting.
  6.  Facing the wrong direction.
  7.  Molesting partners by connecting in the wrong places.
  8.  Impersonating a noodle.
  9.  Single-handedly destroying their partner’s back.

When you work with a great instructor, people will say great things behind your back instead of, “How the hell is she walking unassisted without falling over right now?”

And if you’ve worked with a beloved instructor and you aren’t happy with how your nights are going, then it’s time to face reality. Find a pro who has the courage to teach you what you need, not what you want.

If you are a social dancer who is feeling unfulfilled or frustrated, get a pro who is a master at teaching social dancing technique.

Having the right instructor is transforming the experience I have at milongas. Instead of ping-ponging around to every pro in town, I committed myself to one master level instructor to get my fundamentals totally cleaned up and developed. I’m still in the middle of my process, but this has been the most impactful thing I have done thus far for my dancing.

And sure enough… it’s starting to magnetically draw the better dancers to me so I finally have the kind of nights I really desire.


Karen Kaye


Karen Kaye started dancing 18 years ago with Salsa… and quickly grew captivated by Lindy hop, West Coast Swing, Blues and Fusion. Most recently, Argentine Tango captured her heart; leading her into a rediscovery of the art of movement, connection and expression. Her blog, Epiphany, reflects her journey as a dancer – while weaving in personal and powerful insights. 

Read more insightful articles at

and visit her facebook page at